Samantha Ronson (right) busts a tune
One true time to hold to,
In my life we'll always go on.
—"My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
Worst lyrics ever? Maybe. But when it’s 2 a.m. and you’re singing Celine Dion’s opus as a duet with DJ-to-the-stars Samantha Ronson, “Love was when I loved you” is sheer poetry.
Forget “Dancing with the Stars”—on Tuesdays, two very different karaoke nights across town will let you sing with the stars.
Every week, L.A. offers a dynamic duo of karaoke venues where you can sing with the city’s two greatest offerings to the human race—movie stars and porn stars (in no particular order). And since both Celebrity Karaoke at Guy's and Porn Star Karaoke at Sardo's are on the same night, we figured a good ol’ fashioned smack down was in order.
Finally, we can definitively answer that age-old question: Who’s the better singer—drunk movie stars or drunk porn stars?
Celebrity Karaoke at Guy’s
As you enter Guy’s, a TMZ-approved bar off Robertson Boulevard for the Nicoles and Lindsays of the world, you’ll notice two things: 1) The paparazzi, waiting for the next young starlet celebrating her most recent 24-hour stint in rehab, and 2) Samantha Ronson, taking your cash at the door ($10) while noshing on some grub from Jerry’s Deli next door.
Come early enough (doors open at 10 p.m.), and the place is yours—you can bust out every Neil Diamond song in the book, and seats are yours for the taking. Get there around midnight, and you’ll be lucky to squeeze in at the bar and sing backup to some drunk dude’s rendition of “Midnight Train to Georgia.”
The small, dark space creates an intimate environment for celebs and their agents’ assistants; but even if a given Tuesday night provides no A-listers like Richie, Clooney and Stewart, rest assured that the songs of their famous relatives—Lionel, Rosemary and Rod—are there for you to butcher.
Porn Star Karaoke at Sardo's
Across town, in a mythical land known as “The Valley,” lies Sardo’s, a little strip mall Italian joint where every Tuesday night L.A.’s other film industry comes together for a night of belting out the oldies (and the occasional chorus of “Um-ba-re-la”).
The porn-star-studded karaoke night, cleverly titled Porn Star Karaoke, is a chance for both those in front of and behind the camera—and each other—to sing their hearts out and let their (pubic) hair down.
Oddly, Porn Star Karaoke has one of the most relaxed, friendliest vibes in town, though as I left, a frighteningly well-endowed adult star was “acting out” the lyrics to Prince’s "Darling Nikki." On the floor. With a lady underneath him.
Now that’s my Valley!
The Verdict
So who are the better singers, celebs or their porn star counterparts? Britney Spears or Britney Rears? Lindsay Lohan or Lindsay HoHand? (Yup, that one’s real.)
Although watching the Valley’s greatest real life Dirk Digglers use their mouth as more than a receptacle for soft flesh is an inspiring sight, I’m going to have to give this one to Guy’s. By the end of the night, I was tipsy and my voice was hoarse, but I felt like the king of the world.
[Cue Titanic song.]
Amir Kenan is a contributing editor for Metromix Los Angeles.
