As you know, we can't fix your life. But we can listen to your problems, then turn around and tell them to comedians.

The decidedly eccentric comedic duo Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim of Adult Swim's "Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!" weigh in this week about your holiday gift quandary. (Note: If you're not familiar with their awkward lasciviousness, we urge you to tune in to a show. We can't watch it at work because it usually leaves us snorting and wheezing behind our padded cubicle cell, so maybe tune in at home where you can spit on yourself all you want.)

Q: Dear comic: Do I really have to buy a present for the bitchy receptionist at my work? When she's not taking hour-long smoke breaks, she's kvetching about having to refill the printer paper or she's reading Good Housekeeping. Really, what do I owe her?

Eric: A long kiss on the lips!
Tim: Skis.
Eric: Take her on a ski trip, and during the long ride up the ski lift, plant one on her. Over and over and over again!

So there you go. The best gift is one that is aggressively sexual. Actually, please don't try this at home, or in the office, or on the ski lift. Just get her a tin of cheese popcorn from Rite Aid and call it a day.

It's the holidays, so you may be sequestered at your grandparents' house in Nevada, unable to attend live comedy. Get your fix here by watching "Tim and Eric" live, or catch them every Sunday night at 12:15 a.m. on Adult Swim. They also sometimes pop in to the Upright Citizens Brigade, or get stabbed at Akbar.

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