Here at Metromix, we like to hover around funny people, and then spring your angst-ridden, troubled questions on them in hopes that they will fix your lives. Local comedian and friend to faux mustaches, Chad Fogland, stepped in this week to help one reader communicate more effectively.

Q: Dear comedian: How does one tactfully suggest to a friend that he f*cking stop texting all the time? Seriously, it's redonkulous—he might as well be playing Gameboy when we hang out. Do I sound uptight? Shoot, now I asked you two questions.

A: Well, to do something tactfully in this day and age is like asking Stephen Hawking to please slam-dunk a basketball.  Frankly, in this new world of speedy replies and instant messages, one needs to take a more un-subtle approach or risk being overlooked.

So, to stop a friend from texting all the time, I would do the following: Send the friend an e-mail, a postcard, a letter, a FedEx priority letter, a singing telegram, a sky-written message and also a carrier pigeon bearing the request to please stop f*cking texting all the time. Simultaneously, I'd also set up an Evite invitation, a Myspace page, a Friendster page (no—scratch the Friendster page) and a Facebook page, all devoted to the "Origination to Stop Said Friend from Texting All the Time," better known as "OSSFTAT." And in the end, the last thing I would do is send the following text message: "If U R reading this, U text 2 much, A-Hole!... Not LOL"

Mr. Chad Fogland will be dispensing more of his Foglandery at Josh Fadem's Acid Reflux Hour Sunday, Oct. 21, at the Ramada Inn. Yes, it's a seemingly odd place for comedy, but admission is friggity-free, the comedians are weird and funny, and they have a full bar. We'll text you if we're going.

Alie Ward is events editor for Metromix Los Angeles.

You will be prompted to register or log in when posting.

Comment

Please note that by clicking on "Post Comment" you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator.