I'm not sure about you, but my to-do list reads:

1. Witness a pagan sacrifice
2. Find out why it's bad to be gay
3. See in gory detail why it's not cool to gang rape people
4. Descend into hell

Either I am a raging sociopath, or the Hollywood Hell House is back.

Luckily for both Hollywood and my loved ones, the goriest fright house in the country—and the only one that we know of with Bill Maher stepping in for some performances to play Satan—has set up shop in an empty Aculpulco restaurant in West Hollywood. If you missed it in 2004, here's some background:

Once upon a less politically correct time, Evangelical congregations (at the behest of Jerry Falwell) erected some seriously horrifying Halloween houses in attempts to scare impressionable youths away from everlasting hell. A decade ago, a pastor in Colorado started marketing kits (for $300 bucks each) on exactly what steps were needed to stage one of these didactic dens of evil. Included in the pastor’s earnest 263 page manual: tips on where to store vats of blood, scripted scenes about how a gay kiss will buy you life in hell and dialogues about the evils of attending a rave. Yes, hilarious.

Some of Hollywood’s best comedy producers and noteworthy celebrities got their hands on the plans, and the effortless satire of the Hollywood Hell house was born in 2004; years later, it's still legendary. This time around, new scenes have been added, and guests tour through rooms depicting the slippery slope of prostitution, Harry Potter as a catalyst for suicide, and the evils of “choosing” to be gay (via a lesbian slumber party). But with possible cameos by Andy Ritcher (as Jesus), comedian Richard Belzer, and Maher stopping in occasionally to play Satan, the level of dark satire is as much eye-opening as it effing goofball hilarious. They can’t release the celebrity line-up just yet, so all we’re allowed to tell you is that the 40 minute 8-room tour includes a rotating cast of 90, with Natasha Lyonne, Maher and Belzer making appearances on some nights.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go find out why it’s not cool to gang rape people.

Hollywood Hell House runs Oct. 4-27 at the closed down Acupulco restaurant at 385 N. La Cienega (just north of Beverly Blvd.). Tickets are $22.50, available here, and tours leave every 15 minutes. You might also plan to stick around for the Youth Group dance party held in a tent next door, featuring music spun by DJ Savey Save. And, um, wear grubby clothes, because you may get splattered with blood.

Alie Ward is Events editor for Metromix Los Angeles.