With the holidays fast approaching, you may soon be spending copious time with your families—and in shopping malls. We understand that these situations can trigger a drug binge. But because a stint in rehab before New Year's would be hella buster (read: lame) we’ve thoughtfully put together a list of a few places to achieve a more, shall we say, vicarious drug experience. Pop into some of these shows to watch people performing drunk, on drugs, or both.

When: Saturday, Nov. 10, 8 p.m
What: This is either the most exciting sketch concept ever—or the worst. In the Upright Citizens Brigade's "Writing Under the Influence" show, various comedic minds will ingest various illicit substances—alcohol, pot, perhaps some shroomage—and write sketch comedy whilst drugged. Then said sketches will be handed to sober actors to make sense, and comedy, out of the drug-induced brainstorming. We're guessing it has all the joys of reading Keith Richard's journals, if he could write. And was funny.
Substances: We suspect that some Mary Jane, whippits, Ecstasy and Robotussin (!) may be involved
How much: $8

When: Fridays, 11 p.m.
What: Friday Forty at Improv Olympic is many things. It’s a recap of the week’s current events with some musical numbers and sketches thrown in, and features a trio of audience members dragged onstage to compete quiz-show style while being forced to take hefty slugs from a 40-ouncer of malt liquor. Picture those guys in fraternities growing up to be comedians instead of mortgage brokers and you've got it figured out.
Substances: Usually Schlitz or Olde English
How much: $5


When: Monday, Nov. 12, 8 p.m.
What: Now, as long as we’re talking about drugs and comedy, it would be insensitive of us to overlook pharmaceuticals. Enter the Tom Sharpe Lyme Disease Comedy Benefit at the Steve Allen Theater. Tom Sharpe is a local comedian on the circuit who, after doing a little day labor clearing out weeds in the L.A. River, noticed a tick on his arm, spotted a rash the next month, and has now fallen down the rabbit hole that any struggling performer in L.A. fears: being really sick with no health insurance. Lyme disease certifiably sucks, as do exorbitant medical bills—but being pals with Sarah Silverman, Bob Odenkirk, Dana Gould, Maria Bamford and Paul F. Tompkins does not suck. Especially when they put on and perform in a huge benefit to raise money for your treatment. So support Tom Sharpe’s doctor-prescribed anti-creepy-bacterial drug use and kick down $25 for a ticket.
Substances: Well, uh, doxycyline? Methotrexate?
How much: $25

When: Saturday, Nov. 17, 10 p.m.
What: Being that it’s still “Drug Month” at Upright Citizens Brigade, we weren’t shocked to come upon the 420 Funny: A Very Pot Friendly Variety Show . By "pot-friendly," we're assuming the comedians will be delivering stoned observations on life, bong rips and Funyuns, and that the audience will be filled with people who, like, totally get it, dude.
Substances: Marijuana, the devil’s weed, the herb, 420, etc.
How much: $8

So remember, holiday time means warmth and family and memories—and coping mechanisms. But don’t tax that liver too much; leave it up to the pros. You’re better off letting intrepid comedians assault their own synapses, keeping you nice and fresh for debauchery on New Year's, when it really matters.

Alie Ward is Events editor for Metromix Los Angeles.