"This hat looks garish? Why thank you."
(Credit: Andy Lyons)
Over 100 years later, the Kentucky Derby is stronger than ever. Going down this Saturday, May 3, the event is a veritable "Where’s Waldo?" of celebs, graced by none other than Queen Elizabeth II (OK, and Kevin Federline). And while we don’t understand how naming your horse Big Truck or Cool Coal Man raises the odds, we are big fans of mint juleps, obnoxious hats and any sport that's over in two minutes.
For anyone with seersucker envy but not enough frequent flier miles to hit the Bluegrass State, we offer the following ways to get in on the action, Angeleno style.
Where to bet
First up is our local horse-racing mecca, Hollywood Park, which is neither in Hollywood nor a park. The entrance fee is $7, but you'll want to bring more cash to play the ponies. Smell the horse stables and saddle up to watch the Kentucky Derby festivities via satellite at one of the sporty bars. Once sufficiently sloppy, make your way down to the track and bet some more on our local selection of equestrian action.
Where to drink
Don't trust yourself not to gamble away your life savings? Mosey over to South, a recently debuted Southern-style joint in Santa Monica that will be televising the event and serving up (drumroll, please) mint juleps alongside a menu jammed with so many back-road delicacies, we'll be guiltily sprinting the stairs the next day.
Downtowners, direct your compasses to Seven Grand. The bartenders will be churning out their signature julep, which bears a shaved ice consistency and is served in a traditional sterling silver tumbler. The silver keeps the drink extra frosty, but if drinking it old-school reminds you of a mouthful of dirty nickels, try Ye Rustic Inn instead. Rowdy as they come, Ye Rustic is no fan of frills but will make an extra-strong julep that'll make your tongue turn around and slap your brain.
You'll be needing a hat, ma'am
Whether you stay in or go out, you'd best be sporting a hat. As for selecting one that will turn heads (and cost a few bucks), try Hollywood Hatters. For those willing to walk on the wild (i.e., cheaper) side, we suggest grabbing a latte and strolling down Melrose. From Wasteland to Aardvark's to American Vintage, there’s sure to be hilarious headwear waiting to meet you. Once outfitted and cleared for debauchery, salute Kentucky for creating a tradition we will barely remember Sunday.
Throwing your own shindig…and roses
And to you genteel homebodies and hostesses, all you need to throw your own Derby celebration are the julep ingredients (bourbon, simple syrup, ice and mint), the aforementioned ridiculous hat, a television or radio, and some country tunes (try something by Kentucky native Loretta Lynn). For hosts with the most, we suggest throwing a wreath of roses around your best-dressed guests, as is bestowed upon the Derby's prize-winning horse. Better yet, let your guests have a jaunt on a hobbyhorse. And be sure to take pictures.
Insider tips
We know those juleps can slow the brain cells, so we’re reminding you that the Kentucky Derby races begin on Saturday, May 3 at 3:04 p.m. But do tune in earlier for pre-show entertainment. All the horses are capable of winning, so don’t take absolute stock in the shortlist that is released days before the race. Your best bet is a horse with high odds (such as 4-1) but not too high, as they may be down for the count come race time. If baby needs a new pair of shoes, steer clear of new jockeys; the seasoned pros almost always win. You taking notes? Good.
