Folks, spring is officially here, and if we may be so bold: People are getting randy. It seems that this week delivers a calendar full of professional hotties, thongs, palpable sexual tension, and men in skirts with no underpants. We suggest you join the steamy party with these fine events—but be warned that you might require gale force winds to cool off. Don't worry, we'll tell you where to find those as well. Now, get to it.


Wednesday March 12
“Pieces (of Ass)” at the Key Club
What: Professional blonde Shana Moakler and a slew of other certifiably hot girls take the stage for a night of monologues about...being a hot girl.
Why: Because beauty and brains are not mutually exclusive. And even if they are, it's a night of hot girls.

Thursday March 13
“Monty Py-thong: The Return” at the Next Stage
What: In case you didn't get your fill of ladies last night, this theatrical production of women performing Monty Python material should do the trick.(Note: we cannot guarantee they will all be wearing thongs.)
Why: Gender-bending plus underwear is never a bad idea. Or is it?

Friday, March 14
“Dreamcatcher” at Thinkspace
What: Israeli-born painter Kukula shows off a collection of big lipped, doll-headed dream girls which remind us a little of Holly Hobbie, after hours.
Why: Thinkspace openings are always packed with art-loving Eastside foxes. Oh, and the art is usually awesome.

Saturday, March 15
War Protest
What: After a sexually charged week of barely-clad women, it's about time we cooled off and got fired up again with a little war protest, meeting as a throng of chanters at the corner of Hollywood and Vine at noon to coincide with the fifth anniversary of the Iraq invasion.
Why: We took a poll, and wars are not cool.

Sunday, March 16
Mystery Movie: "The Thing"
What: The Steve Allen Theater kicks off Mystery Movies, an indefinite series of “stoner friendly” genre films with a Sunday night screening of a phlegm-heavy sci-fi classic.
Why: The flyer says “because you've got nothing else to do, so why not,” but we know they're just being demure.

Monday, March 17
Downtown L.A. St. Patrick's Day parade
What: A lunchtime bonanza of all things Irish takes over Downtown L.A., with a parade, old dudes in kilts brandishing bagpipes, a festival at Pershing Square, and music by those fine laddies the Young Dubliners.
Why: Because it's rare to see dudes in skirts downtown (in daylight), and because there's no Irish lunch more satisfying than a beer.

Tuesday, March 18
Indoor Skydiving
What: Pop a helmet on your noggin, don a jumpsuit and enter a chamber of wind ferocious enough to simulate jumping out of an airplane. Why: We've always wanted to skydive, but the whole jumping-out-of-an-airplane thing kind of got in the way.


With that, my fine friends, we'll see you out there—in thongs. And kilts. And jumpsuits.

Alie Ward is Events editor for Metromix Los Angeles.