Sign me up, Uncle Sam!

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So you’re jetting into Trader Joe's in search of some cold ones. You pirouette to avoid a head-on collision with the monster carts coming out the door. A voter-registration table catches your eye; the cheery patriot explains that the registration deadline is fast approaching. Election day is Nov. 4, and voter registration forms have to be postmarked by at least Oct. 20.

Not wanting to be a snoozer/loser, you decide to register. Excellent.

Now follow these steps to register like the responsible, tax-paying citizen you (allegedly) are.

Almost Everyone Can Get on the List
To get your name on the voter rolls, you have to be a U.S. citizen and a California resident over the age of 18. (If you’ll be 18 by Election Day, you’re in.) Those in prison or on parole for conviction of a felony can’t register or vote, nor can those who have been judged by a court to be mentally incompetent.

Sign Me Up, Uncle Sam!
Voter-registration forms are available at post offices, libraries, the DMV, other government offices and online at the California Secretary of State website. There are two electronic forms on this website. To vote for the president on Nov. 4, you don’t have time to use the super-lazy form. This is the first one that appears under the voter registration instructions. Scroll down a little to the area that says “download and mail a voter registration form.” Print it, fill it out, and mail it back so that it’s postmarked by Oct. 4. The instructions tell you to look up your county registrar’s address, but we’ll save you the trouble. The address for L.A. County voters is:

Los Angeles County
Registrar-Recorder County Clerk
PO Box 54187
Los Angeles, CA 90099-4684

When to Re-register
If you have moved, changed your name or changed your political party affiliation, you need to re-register. Instructions and deadlines are the same as above.

Watch Your Snail Mail
To confirm your registration, watch your snail mail for your official sample ballot, plus pamphlets describing the state and city issues on the ballot. (Such issues are called propositions, initiatives or measures.) The sample ballot contains the exact order of candidates and propositions that will appear on the actual ballot you’ll use at the polling place. To save time, mark it at home in advance. The address of your polling place is printed on the back cover of your sample ballot, along with an application to vote by mail.

Vote by Mail: Absentee Voting
On Election Day, all polling places are open from 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. Theoretically, your polling place should be located close to your home. Still, you are legally entitled to time off from work—with pay—to vote. (As with any deal that seems too good to be true, this offer comes with fine print.) If you don’t want to go and vote at the polls, you can vote by mail. This is also called absentee voting, for which you request an absentee ballot. Complete the form on the back cover of your sample ballot and mail it back so that it is received by Nov. 4. L.A. County voters can fill out an online absentee application.

Show Me The Money
If you have nothing better to do on Election Day, you can earn some bucks dishing out ballots as a poll worker. Base pay is $80-$120 for the day, depending on your assignment. Poll workers have to be L.A. County–registered voters willing to serve from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m.  To enlist, call the L.A. County Registrar-Recorder at 800-815-2666 (option 7), or check out the handy online application.

More questions?
These agencies can help:

California Secretary of State: Information about statewide elections, ballot initiatives, voting eligibility and procedures.

L.A. County Registrar-Recorder: Information about voter registration, absentee ballots, polling places, the poll-worker program and elections administered by the county.

As long as you're in a political state of mind, you may want to check out Rachel Mason's recent presidentially-themed artwork from her show "The Candidate" at Circus Gallery, or hop into Improv Olympic for a performance of "Fatigued: an Actor's Dissent," Patrick McCartney's humorous, though impassioned, material about that war thing.

Still got "electile dysfunction?" Check in regularly with our ever-evolving, up-to-the-minute roundup of political events.