Can Steve Aoki dance his way out of a snowglobe?
Monday, Dec. 24
The eve of the birth of Jesus should be rife with places to get your Christ on, but right now you're probably watching TV at your aunt's house. You know who knows how to party? The Jews.
—We urge you to head to Heeb Magazine's Heebonism bash in Echo Park for both DJs and "strip dreidel." L'chaim!
—Over at the House of Blues, the Beautiful/Chosen People are exchanging cards and, later, bodily fluids at Schmooz-a-palooza.
—The Ball at the Highlands claims to be the mother of all Jewish singles parties. "Mother?" Was that also an immaculate conception? We think not.
—Wait, you're not Jewish? Then go celebrate Christmas Eve at the Dresden with everyone's embarrassing grandparents, Marty and Elaine.
Tuesday, Dec. 25
—It's Christmas, and if your folks are too far away, or you simply don't like them, head over to the Laugh Factory for Christmas comedy sets and a free dinner for those in need—or just those in need of a li'l company. Striking writers might qualify in both categories.
—Feeling theatrical? While most curtains are closed and theaters dark on this merry day, you can still catch the gender-bending irreverent comedy of Santasia, which may be the only establishment open in the Valley today.
—You know, some of us have to work on Christmas. Like, um, the Lakers. And the Phoenix Suns. Screw watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and head to the Staples Center for the game. Jesus loved basketball.
Wednesday, Dec 26
—Your parents are still in town? Man, that's rough. Maybe you should take them to The Color Purple at the Ahmanson. Parents love the theater, and we love the gospel and cash bar during intermission.
Thursday, Dec. 27
—We've been gorging on cold plates of turkey since November, but if you need a final taste of the season, hit Holiday Leftovers at Improv Olympic for some zingy comedy. Fact: Laughing burns calories. Another fact: The beer you're drinking puts them back on.
—Steve Aoki floating like a blissful hipster in a snow globe is enough to sell us on Club Nuvo Blanc at Boardner's, a winter wonderland of sweaty DJ madness with Kid Millionaire himself, plus DJ Paparazzi. Just make sure to RSVP first or the Grinchy doorman might waste your flavor.
—I know it's hard to remember a time in L.A. when Hollywood and Highland didn't look like Disneyland's "Tourist World," but go catch Warren Beatty in "Shampoo" at the New Beverly if you want to see some ol' school sights of L.A. in the ’70s— including all the feathered hair you can handle.
Friday, Dec. 28
—Dear Mom, Thank you for the sky-blue fanny pack. Even though I love you very much, I'm going to go to Regifted at the Upright Citizens Brigade to make fun of—and possibly exchange—this well-meaning but severely misguided gift choice with all the other people who got lame presents.
Saturday, Dec. 29
—Man, 2007. It really sucked. Or did it? Catch the It Sucked awards at the good ol' UCB to find out what the worst aspects of the last year have been. We vote for America's obsession with Britney's hair. Or her lack thereof.
—What's that, you're not depressed enough? Maybe you should go to a screening of Frownland at the Silent Movie Theater.
—Okay, enough gloom. As long as aging rockers don't depress you, you could always hit Social Distortion at the House of Blues.
Sunday, Dec. 30
—On New Year's Eve Eve, it's tempting to lay low (read: loaf in pajamas in anticipation of a 24-hour whiskey binge), but we can't express enough enthusiasm for the "Reno in L.A." show with Neil Hamburger at Spaceland. With gross grunts, dry comedy and the World's Most Disturbing Combover, Mr. Hamburger is just one of those comedy crushes that we, ourselves, don't understand.
Now go out there, make Baby Jesus proud, and report back for New Year's.
Alie Ward is Events editor for Metromix Los Angeles.
