The 'wurst day of your life

(Credit: Michelle Lanz)

Oh, the Germans.  They may have gone astray in the past, but a few good ones made it to Torrance.

Erecting a Disneylandish home away from home dubbed Alpine Village, these happy Krauts also decided to bring along their annual German celebration of Oktoberfest to spread some of that Balkan hospitality our way.We dusted off our most voluminous stein and navigated freeways south to investigate this knockwurst-fueled nuttiness. 

The beer garden where the party takes place holds up to 3,000 keg worshippers and boasts an authentic, lederhosen-clad oom-pa-pa band and dancers to drown out the sound of the 110 freeway.  “Village workers" hastily dispense piles of unappetizing German food, which all seems to be different shades of brown. Really: brownish rye bread, heaps of tan pickled cabbage, a couple of taupe sausages. Would it kill them to add something green? But c'mon—you don’t go to Oktoberfest for the food—you go for the beer.

Not necessarily the most authentic Oktoberfest experience—Bud Light is among the handful of beer choices—it still has a pretty high goofball factor, especially on Friday and Saturday nights, when no one under 21 is allowed in and the party lasts until 1 a.m.  If the thought of kissing butt to get into Hyde or Opera sounds too exhasuting, you might need to kick it to a place utterly devoid of pretense, a place where grown men wear leather jumpers and felt hats.

Be prepared to make new friends as you knock elbows during the chicken dance or grab the caboose of the drunken stranger in front of you during one of the massive conga lines. We also invite you to shove crumpled dollar bills down the pants and into the lederhosen of the band members as they venture into the crowd. Bring your own stein or buy one here. Otherwise, you’ll be hoisting some lame Styrofoam cup and paying more than you have to—refills on 32-ounce steins are about 5 bucks, the same price as a 16-ounce beer. 

Just one warning: Sunday is considered “family day” and should be avoided at all costs, unless you’re looking to endure the droning wails of children being coerced into eating sauerkraut. Which you aren't.

The German goofiness of Oktoberfest goes down at Alpine Village in Torrance every weekend until Oct. 28. Friday and Saturday, they're open from 6 p.m. to 1 a.m., and Sunday from noon to 7 p.m.. Admission is five bucks, but the beer's cheap if you bring your own bucket ... um, I mean stein. Same thing.

Michelle Lanz is contributing editor for Metromix Los Angeles.

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