Dear H&B,
I'm a 21-year-old female and I've never had an orgasm.
Yes, NEVER. I don't masturbate, and although I become physically aroused by men and produce a good deal of lubrication to show for it (sometimes, a VERY good deal), I have never reached the point of orgasm during intercourse. Oral sex is fine as a warm-up, but I definitely prefer vaginal intercourse. I have an active fantasy life, though, and I've always thought that was enough to fuel earth-shattering fuck-fests, but apparently not. I'd like to think that I just haven't met my Mr. Right, or someone I have extremely good sexual chemistry with, but I have a sneaking suspicion that this type of problem may be psychological/emotional.
Can't Get No Satisfaction
Dear CGNS,
I think your sneaking suspicion is right. The engine is definitely running, but getting it in gear seems to be the problem. (Being a man, I relate female orgasms to cars, of course.) Anyway, I think your biggest problem is over-thinking. The whole process is right and natural, though there seems to be a disconnect between dreaming about masturbating and a “fantasy life” that should fuel “earth-shattering fuck-fests.” Obviously, you should be able to achieve the elusive O solo or with another human, the latter being even more tricky.
Still, whether it’s a personal effort or an aided and abetted scenario, Mr. Right will remain Mr. Almost Right until your mind is Ms. All Right. We’re all born alone, die alone and, yes, masturbate alone. So becoming a self-help expert is essential, as is professional help. The good news? If downstairs is as sopping as a shag rug in the Mississippi River delta, you’re probably almost home.
Dying to get some? (Sex advice, that is.)
E-mail hotandbothered@metromix.com. Hot & Bothered will run every week in Metromix.
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