Dear H&B,
I've been dating a girl and it's a good thing, but she expects me to pay for everything. I've been doing that, even though I don't have a huge salary and neither does she, because I was raised in the way of thinking that a man pays. How do I ask her to contribute without screwing this up?
Greased Wallet
Dear GW,
The key word here is “expects.” You don’t want to be with anyone, male or female, who expects anything, whether that presumed tab is financial, sexual, spiritual, emotional, moving heavy furniture, cleaning litter boxes or purchasing illegal narcotics. As a gentleman of long standing, I appreciate your willingness to toss down the credit card after a night at the steakhouse or your local booze emporium, but there has to be some reciprocation—and I don’t mean the base equation of you getting sex in return.
You say you’re both on a budget. The lady’s got to cough up (or at least offer), and she should want to if she really likes you. Fair is fair. Go ahead and open doors for her and treat her like a queen, but you should both revel in the fact that you’re poor, presumably young and in love (or at least on the way) and share the expenses. And do things within your means: Go to the park and make out. Get a bottle of cheap wine and dance around in the rain. Things like that. How to broach the money subject? Tell her your passion for her can’t be measured in dollars, and ask if she wouldn’t mind chipping in for all the good times. If she objects, there’s your litmus test. Move on.
Dying to get some? (Sex advice, that is.)
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