Hot & Bothered: grappling monogamy

Dear H&B,
Is monogamy possible or even reasonable over the long term?  Come on, doesn't everyone's eye wander and sometimes their hands, mouth, and nether regions too?  A married friend of mine, ahem, has been trolling CL for some fun lately. Is that wrong if it’s done safely?
Strange Desires

Dear SD,
Yes, monogamy is possible, and reasonable, and that’s what you or your friend presumably knew when you stuck your finger in a ring sanctioned by God and the government, along with that lucky spouse. Personally, I don’t differentiate between marriage and partnership or whatever the hell you want to call it. If you’re with someone you’re with someone.  

Of course, since you say “long term,” I assume you’re not in high school or some 20-year-old second-class seaman who married a gold-hearted whore during Fleet Week. Those are generally called “mistakes.” There is no grey area in this, and pretending there is to allow a bit of “fun safely done” action is a fool’s game. Sure, it’s inevitable that the mind—master of all other body parts—will wander. Craigslist is brimming with skanks (male, female, whatever) cheaper than used Schwinns. Whether you choose to follow depends on how much you want to unhinge your life. 

Dying to get some? (Sex advice, that is.)
E-mail hotandbothered@metromix.com. Hot & Bothered will run every week in Metromix.

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