Dear H&B,
I like a cave-girl bush—big time—but my girl likes to keep her downstairs clean. She says it’s unsanitary and gross, both of which I disagree with. What can I tell her?
Hirsute of Happiness
Dear HOH,
Unfortunately, you were born in the wrong era, my friend. Take a gander at some Golden Age porn—yes, they really call it that—from the early ’70s and you’ll see what I mean. We’re talking jungles, forests, magnificent veldts of pubes, the kind of thing your old man was wading into back when Jane Fonda was pimping for the North Vietnamese. As far as unsanitary, it’s quite the opposite. That hair is down there for a reason: to keep bacteria out of the love canal. Sadly, current tastes, including your GF’s, dictate a bush the size of Hitler’s mustache, so you’d better get used to it or find a stack of old Penthouse mags.
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