Dear H&B,
I’m 28 and have no big problems with meeting girls, dating and closing the deal. The problem comes up when the boning starts, and the problem is it stops way too soon. No matter what I do, I always climax in under a minute, sometimes way under. Needless to say, it leaves girls less than satisfied, and I’m embarrassed and suddenly over the whole thing and want to watch cartoons or something. What can I do to keep going when the going gets good?
Me Love You Short Time
Dear MLYST,
It’s easy. Stop having sex with attractive women. Start bedding complete and utter sea hags and watch your troubles disappear. And if you can find dumb gals, they’ll probably like to watch cartoons too.
Beyond those super-hilarious options, there are a number of ways to keep the tide at bay. The most obvious? Think about something that is dull, repellant and/or non-arousing: the funerals of relatives, Willard Scott in a thong, your cat in outer space meowing to an empty and unforgiving universe. You can also try the old pull-out method, wherein you repeatedly remove your johnson—the idea being that you’ll get used to delaying the uncorking until the long haul becomes natural. Some also recommend a hearty dose of self-pleasure prior to getting down, but—in addition to obvious scheduling issues—there’s no substitute for the thrill of being with a real live girl, which not even the most expensive blow-up doll can compete with.
Dying to get some? (Sex advice, that is.)
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