Hot & Bothered: spunk situation

Dear H&B,
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for three months now and every time we have sex, he can't seem to wash himself off fast enough. I confronted him about it and he says it's because he can't stand the smell of sperm, not even his own. [I’d prefer that he] quit acting like we just did the dirtiest thing this side of scat sex. What do I do?
Sperm Wail

Dear SW,
Aside from offering to buy your sensitive amigo a hazmat suit, have you asked him why he can’t stand the aroma of millions of dead spunk fish caked to his sweaty flesh? There’s a reason behind everything, and though it may take a qualified shrink to figure it out, chances are his hyper-cleansing, post-congress act is based on something deeper than a nose problem. Does he also avoid walking beneath sap-dripping ginkgo trees?

Whether you’re male or female, being on the receiving end of either party’s intimate fluids is a taste acquired (hopefully) early on. If your friend’s jizz gripe is truly an olfactory dilemma, there are things a man can do to change the savory palate of his personal issue.

Stay away from booze, nicotine and caffeine, drink plenty of water, eat fruit and vegetables (though be aware that cabbage family members like broccoli and asparagus are not semen’s friends), avoid garlic and onions and junk food. Urge him toward the aisles at Ralph’s offering wheatgrass, celery and parsley—which up the sweetness factor—where all the semen-enhancing food shoppers are to be found.

Dying to get some? (Sex advice, that is.)
E-mail hotandbothered@metromix.com. Hot & Bothered will run every week in Metromix.

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