In case you had decided to crawl under an oceanic rock in an attempt to get away from this scorching heat wave, let us tell you that the biggest lobster festival in the world is about go down in San Pedro starting this Friday. Over 13 tons of live lobster will be shipped directly from the Gulf of Maine daily for this three-day crustaceous extravaganza. That amounts to boiling 3,000 buggers an hour in a colossal high-speed cooker to feed the masses who stand bibbed and at the ready. The one-and-a-half pound lobster comes pre-cracked (to prevent medical injuries which have arisen in the past) with a side of cole slaw, a fluffy roll and butter packets, all for 17 buckaroos—so cheap, you can buy one of these guys with the change.

Since we won’t all be lucky enough to feast the fest, some primo establishments around the city offer lobster all the year long. You’ll just have to shell out some extra cash, high roller, for these culinary specimens of Homarus americanus.

Dan Tana’s
Lobster tail prepared two ways. Flame-broiled in butter with broccoli or torched a la Fra Diavolo in a spicy, garlicky tomato-based sauce. Both come with choice of pasta; fettuccine is recommended. Source: Our contact said "Italian."  We don't know what that means. Weight: 14 oz. Price: $56. Accoutrements: Bib? Claw crackers? Nope, nada.

Musso & Frank
Lobster thermidor baked in oven with mushrooms and white wine sauce. Source: Maryland. Weight: Restaurant could not venture a guess. Price: $39. Accoutrements: A French accent and predilection for creamy white sauce. We were assured, “Is excel-ant deesh.”

Water Grill
Butter-poached lobster is broiled and served with artichoke barigoule and potato rosemary gnocchi. Source: Maine. Weight: 1.5 lbs. Price: $54. Accoutrements: None needed; the shell is removed before plating.

Providence
The lobster main entrée varies in preparation but for the end of summer ‘07, it’s broiled and accompanied by fava beans and spring onion in a jurancon wine and ginger reduction. Source: Maine. Weight: 1.75 lbs. Price: $65. Accoutrements: It’s fine dining, no bibbing allowed.

Tam O’Shanter Inn
The steamed “lobster dinner” comes with drawn butter, mashed potatoes and vegetables. Source: Alaska. Weight: 4 oz. That’s a quarter of a pound for those who are counting. Price: $29. Accoutrements: No, “it’s fine dining.” Really?

The Palm Restaurant
The jumbo Nova Scotia lobster is usually broiled but can be steamed upon request. Source: Flown in daily from Nova Scotia. Weight: Ranges from 3-5 lbs. Price: $24 per pound. But the summer special dinner for two, which is offered through September, is four pounds of lobster, two summer sides and two summer salads for $90. Accoutrements: Bibs, claw crackers, little forks—the whole nine yards.

The Lobster
Main entrée is steamed and served with asparagus, roasted potatoes and drawn butter. Source: Maine. Weight: Usually 1.5 lbs. Price: $30 per pound. Accoutrements: Bibs, claw crackers—it’s the full “lobster” experience.

Ocean Avenue Seafood
The “live Maine lobster” is broiled, then plated with steamed potatoes, vegetables and drawn butter. Source: Shipped live from Maine, but we assume that lobster is shipped live in most cases. Weight: 1.5 lbs. Price: $39.95. Accoutrements: Have at it with claw crackers and bib protectant of your own, or request de-shelling.

Delmonico’s Lobster House
The most popular dish is the Delmonico’s Lobster which is stuffed with crabmeat and shrimp, broiled and served with baked potato and sautéed veggies. Source: Maine. Weight: 2 lbs before the stuffing. Price: $59.95. Accoutrements: It’s a lobster house. Bring on the bib and claw-crackers.

Mastro’s
Steamed lobster main course is a la carte. That means, no accompanying sides. None—just a touch of lemon and clarified butter. Source: Maine. Weight: While the lobster tail ranges from 7-18 oz., an entire lobster weighs upwards of 3.5 pounds. Price: At market price per pound, which on the day we called was $32.95. For the whole bugger, that's $115! Accoutrements: Comes on a big honkin’ platter. That'd best be a silver platter.


In case you do end up heeding the siren call of crustacean, read up on how to "rock your lobster." See you at the fest!