Sampling: Five Guys

(Credit: Alex Lampila)

This is going to date me: Back in my college days at UC Berkeley, In-N-Out had barely made a dent in the Bay Area. The nearest location for a long while was a good 40 miles away; the most beloved was even farther out in Kettleman City, the halfway point along our seasonal migration route between NorCal and L.A. Turning off the 5 Freeway as we’d head home to the Southland was ritual, the Double-Double a sacrament that brought us back into the fold, animal-style. On return trips, northbound and facing a long fast, we’d even pick up extra for one last supper 200 miles later.

Now that’s a burger worth driving for. Heck, as many have shown, it’s worth idling for. So any challengers—and there are many—to In-N-Out’s preeminence must live up to that benchmark. Will I be inclined to get into my increasingly costly car to pound down a half-pounder? This couldn’t be more fitting for the latest contender, Five Guys. Hailed as (say it with me) the “In-N-Out of the East Coast,” the mid-Atlantic chain has opened its first West Coast branch in Carson. Yes, in Carson, meaning a trek down the 405 and carbon emission are absolutely required. But is Five Guys road-trip worthy?

Burgers, dogs and fries, oh my!: That about sums up the menu at Five Guys, which is still several hot dogs longer than In-N-Out’s. The standard cheeseburger is $4.99, but it comes with two patties. Still, the pricing is practically double—and one slice of cheese less than—the Double-Double. There are toppings for both burger and dog (see below), all free—except bacon, understandably. But for all the right that bacon does in the world, no amount of porky power can flavor the flavorless beefy parts. Fresh-never-frozen, hand-pressed patties are great, but where’s the salt? The lack of fundamental seasoning is also apparent in the Cajun-style fries. The mix of what we can only assume as cayenne, paprika, onion and garlic powders provides the right sunset-speckled look, but there’s not enough salt to balance and enhance the fiery notes.

Toppings, free toppings: There are 15, but if you ask to go “all the way,” you’ll only get eight of them. Huh? Again, without a flavorful base, it’s difficult to determine what the toppings add. It is apparent, however, that the “grilled mushrooms” taste like they came out of a can, while the jalapeños don’t. That’s pretty topsy-turvy. It’s also possible to go overboard with the extras, especially since both burger and dog are unceremoniously wrapped in tinfoil, not unlike the way leftovers from Dad’s cookout would look. Crumpled aluminum foil gets increasingly unwieldy and can’t properly hold in all the ingredients. No wonder we get a huge stack of napkins with our order.

Not for the peanut paranoid: Help yourself to the peanuts while you wait. (Without beer or a seventh-inning stretch, it’s as strange as it sounds.) Stranger still is the raft in the middle of the dining room filled with boxes of peanuts and peanut oil. The peanuts are unsalted—goodness, does it sound like I need to carry a salt lick with me?—but at least they’re roasted. In case nut-allergics didn’t get the PSA, Five Guys “serve[s] bulk peanuts in open containers”—and no one’s allowed to leave the premises with peanuts for fear that neighboring children would pick up an errant nut or shell. They. Kid. Not.

Jiyeon Yoo is Restaurants editor for Metromix Los Angeles.

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