AMC, MTV, VH1, Comedy Central and beyond

(Credit: Comedy Central)

8:47 a.m.
Grab a quick breakfast off the buffet and bring it with me into the morning session. I'm going to need energy to get through a day packed with mostly reality and documentary offerings.

9:08 a.m. WE tv
“The Locator”: Investigator Troy Dunn has found over 40,000 lost and separated relatives. The highlight video depicts a young bimbo's “last hope” for finding her birth mother. Dunn finds her, an older, slightly leathery bimbo, who "kind of has amnesia" when it comes to the birth and adoption.  The bimbos, Katie (daughter) and Kathy (birth mother) are in attendance. For Katie, it must be like looking in a magic mirror that reflects what you'd look like in 16 years with a bad bleach job.

Second-best quote of the day: When asked if her birth parents are still together, Katie responds, "Together how?"

9:41 a.m. AMC
The cast of “Mad Men,” the best drama on television (with a Golden Globe to prove it) is on hand. This might be the sexiest cast on TV.

Creator and head writer, Matthew Weiner, doesn't want to talk about plot and won't reveal much. Much like “Lost” and other dramas, “Mad Men” will test the patience of some viewers—and critics—who seem to want everything laid out for them.

For whatever reason, brilliant early-'60s icon Stan Freberg is in the audience with us. Google him.

9:50 a.m.
January Jones has yet to respond to a question and appears as if she's about to fall asleep. When she does, she says that no one on set talks to her. Someone says, “The kids do,” to which she responds, “No they don't.” That's a little sad.

10:23 a.m. Comedy Central
We're in for a nearly 3-hour presentation from the many arms of MTV Networks and the onslaught of celebreality and other spectacle-based shows. Swallow my pride and remind myself that for whatever reason, people watch this stuff. (Okay, I do too.) Comedy Central is up first.

“The Gong Show with Dave Attell” is exactly what it sounds like. This may be a case of a funny guy hosting a show that doesn't live up to his level of humor, as low as that level may be. I just don't know what's special about this in an era of YouTube and “Pants Off Dance Off.”

There are about 50 MTV Networks employees in the back of the room providing a forced laugh track, providing guffaws every time Attell opens his mouth.

Quote of the day: When asked where the show would draw the line on an act, Attell replies, “I guess full penetration.”

“Chocolate News” stars David Alan Grier, (who also writes and executive produces), in a sketch comedy show that's half “Chapelle's Show” and half “The Daily Show.” The panel, with the exception of Grier, is all white, which is the focus of the first question. The second question, of course, is about Obama, because every time a black guy appears on the stage, someone has to ask about the David Archuletta of the presidential election.

Grier denies any similarities to “The Daily Show,” saying “News” is entirely scripted while “Daily Show” is based on reality. Watching it, though, it looks very similar.

When Grier is asked if the show fills the vacancy left by “Chapelle's Show,” he said, “I'd sure like the $50 million.” Network exec Lauren Corrao responds: “We're not going there again.”

11:15 a.m. CMT
The network is “Country Music Television,” but it may be the biggest freak show on TV, which explains why they have the very non-country Dennis Rodman, Danny Bonaduce, Sean Young and Bobby Brown on their reality shows this season. It's ironic that the most sympathetic to hicks network seems to mine so much entertainment out of putting them on display for humorous purposes or doing the city folk vs. country folk thing. Case in point: “My Big Redneck Wedding.”

“Outsider's Inn” features “Gone Country” alums Carnie Wilson, Bobby Brown and Maureen McCormick running a B&B in rural Tennessee. McCormick did “Celebrity Fit Club.” Wilson did gastric bypass. Apparently, neither is a long-term solution. McCormick has found doing reality shows “…extremely cathartic. I finally reveal the real me.” Hence her forthcoming autobiography, which we hope will have all kinds of salacious “Brady Bunch” secrets that didn't get revealed in the many previous cast member tell-all autobiographies.

12:01 p.m. TV Land
“Family Foreman” is “The Osbournes” or “Hogan Knows Best,” but with George Foreman. Foreman and his sons, George (III) and George (IV) all seem like sincerely nice people. I just have to wonder if this show will add to the genre. Personally, I like “Run's House” best of all.

12:20 p.m. VH1
“Glam God with Vivica A. Fox” seeks to crown the next best celebrity red carpet stylist. At this point, I feel that pointing out the redundancy of this type of show a little obvious. Let's just say it's no “Project Runway” or “Top Chef” in the talent or even interest departments.

12:40 p.m. “The Cho Show”
Margaret Cho had a famous network fallout when ABC gave her a show, “All American Girl,” then killed it because she was too fat and too Asian. This event, as well as her huge gay fan base, has been the basis of her career ever since. This show features Cho and her family, but they're no more representative of their race than the Huxtables were of theirs. I'm all for seeing more Asians on TV, but maybe not one who's already overexposed. At least Cho is funnier than Kathy Griffin.

Cho: “VH1 is a safe place for women of color.” Except for “Flavor of Love,” which is a very dangerous place for them.

1:00 p.m. MTV
Oscar winner/producer Jamie Foxx and host Fonzworth Bentley are on hand to try to convince us “From G's to Gents” is much deeper than the premise (and highlight video) might suggest. Apparently, Foxx was so concerned about the G problem in America that he had to use his Hollywood influence to right this wrong through a competition program.

1:09 p.m.
Jamie Foxx is onstage, so we get the obligatory Obama question.

This show might be fairly entertaining, just not “important” in the way they seem to think. Well, Ozwald Boateng is doing a guest spot, so I'll tune in for that at least.

2:26 p.m. National Geographic Channel
Swag of the Day: National Geo high-quality backpack. It's got wheels and more zippers than I know what to do with.

The presentation begins with a highlight video for “Solo: Lost at Sea,” a video diary by a man who attempted to kayak the treacherous waters of the 1,000 mile Bass Strait between New Zealand and Australia. It doesn't go well.

2:45 p.m. “Expedition Week”
I must admit that I'm here for one reason: to see Apollo 11 astronaut Buzz Aldrin, here promoting the show “Live from the Moon,” part of the net's November “Expedition Week.” None of the other panelists—an underwater explorer, an Egyptologist, a journalist—are going to have a story that comes close to walking on the moon.

3:07 p.m. “World's Toughest Fixes”
Professional rigger and suspension expert Sean Riley gets his hands dirty repairing things like nuclear turbines, 38-ton engines, a Boeing 767 and  2,000 foot TV tower antenna (thanks for that one, dude). Riley is smart, capable and charismatic—this will be must-see viewing for fans of “Mythbusters,” “Man vs. Wild,” “Deadliest Catch” and any of those giant mega-engineering shows.

3:42 p.m.
Fellow critic Dan Fienberg Twitters that there may be mid-afternoon alcohol. What am I doing here looking at this dog?

4:09 p.m. History Channel
Okay, there is beer and wine, but neither is going to help me stay awake through the History presentation. “Sandhogs” is another show about men working under extreme conditions, urban miners who dig the deep tunnels that keep New York running. Interesting guys, but I'm not moved. “Einstein,” is a more interesting topic to me but I'm sitting here idly thinking about how female scientists are kinda sexy.

5:13 p.m. A&E
Finally, a scripted show, “The Cleaner.”  An esteemed colleague describes this as “The Equalizer” meets “Intervention,” which is pretty much right on. It has a strong cast with Benjamin Bratt in the lead and featuring Grace Park, who is sadly absent from the panel due to ongoing shooting for the sure to be disappointing finale of “Battlestar Galactica.”

5:28 p.m.
Oh, this show has a message? I thought it was going to be more kick ass than that.

It always bugs me when they cast a daughter who looks like the mother and a son who looks like the father. As if that happens.

6:41 p.m. WEtv evening event
This has a wedding theme, complete with rose petals on the floor, a cake and a fake (in more than one way) bride and groom. No dinner, but hors d'oeuvres, which look suspiciously like remixed items from lunch. Also: ribs at a wedding reception? The cocktail tables are littered with bones and our fingers are sticky with sauce. And not in a good way.