Animal Planet, Discovery, TLC, Sundance and (you guessed it) more

(Credit: John P. Johnson/HBO)

3:37 a.m. HQ
Wake up with a runny nose. That little scratch at the back of my throat is now full-blown soreness. Aw, crap.

8:15 a.m. Breakfast
Breakfast courtesy of Retirement Living TV and the AARP. Unlike other meals, we're subjected to a pitch and face time with a network rep. I try to pitch him on a video game show—the over 55 demo is booming—but withhold my pitch for a reality show about cougars. Many of us are disappointed that the breakfast does not include prune juice and a giant bowl of Metamucil.

9:14 a.m. Animal Planet
I'm using this opportunity to upgrade to the new, leaked iPhone software and finish yesterday's dispatch. I feel obliged to mention that “Whale Wars” appears to be an exciting look at an adventurous group of seafaring activists out to stop illegal whaling. The show looks exciting, with a very entertaining cast. Animal activists, however, are not as sexy as scientists.

9:57 a.m. Discovery
“Into the Unknown with Josh Bernstein” is yet another show with a handsome, strapping young male host traveling the world and putting himself in dangerous situations for our entertainment. I'm imagining a show in which Benstein, Sean “World's Toughest Fixes” Riley and Bear “Man vs. Wild” Grylls and the Mythbusters team up to fight crime.

10:33 a.m. Planet Green
Bob Woodruff, host of “Focus Earth,” is a heroic journalist (severely injured while reporting in Iraq) who is answering questions from his show's set via satellite. He's wearing more makeup than a tranny prom queen, which makes it hard to take him seriously.

10:45 a.m.
“Battleground Earth: Ludacris vs. Tommy Lee ”features the rapper and the rocker touring the country and competing in green-themed challenges like shoveling cow manure, hauling trash and replacing incandescent light bulbs with compact fluorescents. Along the way, they learn a lot of green lessons and, I assume, have a lot of laughs. We have Lee here via satellite, and Ludacris and Lee's team member Johnny Colt of the band Train in attendance. I'm tempted to ask Lee and Colt why they've been wasting precious energy and resources making and releasing CDs.

Unsurprisingly, Lee declines to comment on any rumors regarding Pam Anderson. He's not that dumb, folks.

11:03 a.m. TLC
If it's not about house flipping or “Jon & Kate Plus 8,” I hardly care.

11:23 a.m.
Kirsten Kemp Becker inspires a number of double entendres using “Property Ladder.” TLC's wisely shifting from house flipping to post-real estate bubble shows about helping down on their luck homeowners. TV is swallowing the bitter pill of economic reality.

I'm not sure if the critics are asking about the shows or looking for advice for their own homes.

11:49 a.m. ESPN Films
Spike Lee is here, but not for the Jackie Robinson biopic that everyone thought he was here for.  He's directed a documentary, “Game Day with Kobe,” and is doing a piece for their “30 for 30” film series.

12:03 p.m.
First Obama mention, a mere three questions into the session. Spike says everything will change after the David Archuletta of the presidential race takes office next January.

Spike on strike: “The majority of the SAG members don't work as actors; it's not going to hurt them if they vote for a strike.”

12:23 p.m.
Ready for more Dayquil.

2:02 p.m. Sundance Channel
We'll have Elvis Costello in front of us in a moment, but first up is “Architecture School,” a  documentary program about Tulane students presenting designs for low-cost homes in post-Katrina New Orleans. I'm an architecture fan who doesn't particularly like architects, so I'm a bit torn.

2:13 p.m.
Some of us are having a competition to see who can add the most Twitter followers during tour. (You can follow mine by adding Zap2itEric.) I'm trying to figure out appropriate ways to pimp my feed.

2:21 p.m. “Spectacle: Elvis Costello with…”
This is a music-themed talk show, with Costello speaking with guests ranging from Bill Clinton to Lou Reed to Julian Schnabel.

Elvis doesn't want to name new artists he's listening to. "They don't necessarily want my stamp of approval. It might make them unhip."

2:36 p.m.
Someone asks how he chose the name “Elvis Costello,” a story I'm pretty sure has been widely reported for about 30 years. Wikipedia, dude: It's his mother's maiden name.

2:47 p.m.
Much is being made (by my fellow critics) of Elvis' brief 2003 guest stint hosting the Late Show, where we learned earlier that he interviewed Kim Cattrall and Eddie Izzard.

2:59 p.m.
Today's Haul: A Discovery networks messenger bag containing a Mini Maglite (a real one, not some cheap knock off), a compass, a mini Leatherman tool, leather-bound notebook and other goodies. An HBO bag containing a “Generation Kill” beanie and hoodie, a “True Blood” t-shirt and prop synthetic blood sample, a DVD of the “Extras” series finale, and a book I probably won't read. There was also some trail mix and a coffee mug from Retirement Living; the mug had a broken handle so I ditched it.

3:06 p.m. HBO
The presentation begins with an “executive session,” basically questions for the network heads about programming and scheduling. As dry as this sounds, some of the juiciest info and announcements comes from these Q&As.

A second “Sex & the City” movie seems likely. A “Sopranos” big screen movie, slightly less so. The long-rumored “Deadwood” finale TV movie is never going to happen; creator David Milch is working on a new script about '70s NYC cops.

Leighton Meester of “Gossip Girl” will appear on “Entourage” as Vince's new love interest, actually reprising a role from two episodes of Season 1. Uh, that was her?!

3:38 p.m. Ricky Gervais Comedy Special
Ricky Gervais' as-yet untitled comedy special has The Office creator doing standup. In the highlight video and in person, he still feels as if he's playing a character, something between his “Office” and “Extras” personas. He says that for the special, he actually plays a somewhat bigoted, ignorant guy.

Gervais says he's not planning another series at the moment, and he's enjoying doing standup. He and writing/producing partner Steven Merchant are working on a feature. Meanwhile, the Brit version of “Office” won't be coming back in any form, though he'd like to do an “Extras” special.

3:50 p.m.
Gervais: “All my comedy heroes, I think, are American.” He then goes on to make his second Hitler joke of the afternoon and mention several influences, including “Arrested Development” and “Entourage.” He denies there's a different sensibility in American and Brit comedies.

He knows nothing about the spinoff of the American “Office,” which he says he has little to do with other than collecting a check.

4:01 p.m. “Generation Kill”
HBO is heavily promoting its 7-part mini, “Generation Kill,” based on Evan Wright's book about the early days of the Iraq invasion. This may be due, in part, to the lack of new material to promote (an aftereffect of the Writers' Guild strike). The net has a history of epic war miniseries, with “Band of Brothers” and a forthcoming WWII mini.

Unfortunately, most movies and series about contemporary war boils down to young guys riding around a desert in Humvees. Yeah, it's all about the brotherhood and there's occasional shooting, but if you've seen “Jarhead” you kind of get the idea. If you haven't, Netflix “Three Kings” instead. Still, it's probably as realistic a portrayal of the beginning of the ground war as we're likely to see for some time.

4:29 p.m.
It's been four hours, 26 minutes since the last mention of Obama. Instead, there's some discussion of how Wright was credited for the mini and some erroneous news story.

On the critics' laptop screens in front of me: Writing a story; browsing art.com for Warhol posters; checking email; writing up Ricky Gervais session; email; IM; Twitter. Not, as a few panelists yesterday assumed, Facebook.

5:02 p.m.
While ignoring a session about HBO's new documentary on White House reporter Helen Thomas, I miss an Obama question.

5:12 p.m. “Little Britain USA”
The crazy popular British sketch comedy show comes to the U.S. with new and returning characters. The highlight video includes a sketch featuring Rosie O'Donnell and another about two gym buddies who are all-too comfortable going fully naked in the locker room. (It features the two stars in full prosthetics, their tiny steroidal willies awkwardly protruding.)

5:40 p.m. “True Blood”
Alan Ball (“Six Feet Under,” “American Beauty”) produces this long-awaited adaptation of Charlaine Harris' series of novels about vampires looking for love and social acceptance in the Louisiana backwoods. It stars Anna Paquin as a local with telepathic powers who unsurprisingly falls for one of the bloodsuckers. In the show, vampires have come out of the closet (grave, whatever) thanks to synthetic blood and are working to gain equal rights. The civil rights metaphors are pretty obvious and heavy handed; the Louisiana accents are inconsistent.

Ball, Paquin and costar Stephen Moyer (as the main vamp) are in attendance. Paquin, who was born in Canada and largely raised in New Zealand, sounds as if she has a slightly Southern accent and cadence. She's also transformed into a blonde and it's more successful in person than on the screen. (Paquin: “Boys love to stare at blonde girls. It's true.”)

Ball says he's never seen “Buffy” or “Angel” or read the Anne Rice books, so has few reference points for other recent pop culture representations of vamps. He does credit a favorite of mine, “Near Dark,” as being the best vamp movie ever.

Every time we get a vampire or supernatural show presented on tour, all the hardcore genre fans come out of the woodwork to ask very specific and oblique questions about this show compared to every other instance. There are a lot of sideways references to “Moonlight” and its cancellation, which some people seem to think was due to it being a vamp show, not because it was a lame and boring.

7:08 p.m. Game Show Network evening event, Beverly Hilton Oasis
Illness is setting in; I can't go two minutes without a sneezing fit. I held it together long enough to get some face time with Cartoon Network publicists, but am now standing here on plastic grass, looking at the fake lifeguard stand, the fake surfboard tables, listening to the Beach Boys and wondering what I'm doing here. I scarf a mini hamburger and head home.

Tomorrow: TBS, TNT, Cartoon Network, Ewan McGregor, Dennis Hopper and Don Cheadle