9:02 a.m. HQ
Unlike the big broadcast networks which each get a full day or more for their presentations, cable networks get only a couple hours each. Slow start to tour this year; it opens with TV One and the Hallmark Channel. As these niche nets are of limited interest to viewers, I'm prepping from HQ, packing my gear, building my energy reserves with Diet Dr. Pepper. I'll make it to tour for lunch, presented by Hallmark. Hell, I wouldn't pass up a Day 1 free lunch if it were presented by—well, I can't really think of a lamer net than Hallmark.
11:24 a.m. Beverly Hilton
They're taping the CW's new “90210” series in the parking garage and abandoned department store next to the hotel. Apparently, the CW isn't too superstitious—last year's worst show of the season (if not decade), “Viva Laughlin,” was also filmed there.
1 p.m. Lunch
Standard beef, chicken, salmon. The mousse with strawberries is marinated in Grand Marnier and is worth the calories. And the solid chocolate bowls for the sherbet? Genius.
1:15 p.m.
Tour Tip of the Day: The publicists are the hot size 2s. The "talent" are the hot size 0s. Now you know.
1:30 p.m. HDNet
This is the network with an entire evening of bikini-themed programming, including the brilliant “Get Out,” a travel show that plays like an infomercial crossed with “Baywatch” without the plot or the Hoff.
HDNet is pushing a number of movies which are premiering on demand before appearing in theaters. Attending the presentation are HDNet chief and Internet billionaire Mark Cuban, esteemed actor/director/writer Peter Bogdanovich, and the bespectacled hippy-hipster directors of stoner dramedy "Humboldt County," who wear matching SXSW Film t-shirts. How cute.
2:30 p.m. BBC America
According to net President Garth Ancier, BBC America is the top DVR'd network on TV. Credit for this is probably due to sci-fi shows “Dr. Who,” its spinoff “Torchwood” and anything featuring acerbic chef Gordon Ramsey.
The presentation starts with “BBC World News America.” The news is much more convincing when read with a Brit accent. They could tell us New York is being overrun by zombies and we'd believe it. Newshounds will be happy to know Ted Koppel is joining as a contributor.
2:58 p.m.
Consecutive panels to mention Jon Stewart: two, so far.
3:07 p.m.
“Britz” is a BAFTA (British Emmys)-winning miseries about British-born Muslim siblings who choose different life paths with one joining MI5 (British FBI) and the other joining an extremist sect. It seems to have the dramatic hinge of “The Departed” (the American “Infernal Affairs”), but with a “Sleeper Cell” twist.
3:30 p.m.
Up next: sci-fi action series “Primeval,” about rips in time which allow dinosaurs and nasties from the future to slip into the present. The trailer shows some great effects production values which may break the “Dr. Who” cheesiness barrier that keeps some viewers away from British sci-fi.
3:50 p.m.
Romantic sitcom “Gavin & Stacey” is about an Englishman who falls for a Welsh girl. I'm not sure that American audiences will appreciate the distinction. Regardless, co-creator/writer James Corden is hilarious in a younger version of Nick (“Hot Fuzz”) Frost kind of way. The series has already been optioned for Americanization by NBC. Let's hope it's more “The Office” and less “Coupling,” despite the fact that the original creators will not be involved.
4:39 p.m. Comcast: E!, G4, Style
Presentation opens with “Ruby,” a Style net reality show about an Atlanta woman who weighs 500 pounds. This is called a “new face” of the Style network, which is pretty different than the old face, the toothpick-thin “How Do I Look?” host Finola Hughes. The show's premise holds promise, but it appears to portray the titular Ruby as a victim. In person, she's rather inarticulate and a little unsympathetic, a mess of stereotypes. Ruby herself has no problem stereotyping: “Men are into the physical; women are more emotional.” She uses this logic to justify her boyfriend refusing to be with her until she's lost significant amounts of weight.
“Ruby” is followed by G4 “Attack of the Show” co-host Olivia Munn (who weighs in at about a buck ten, tops) and mentions of the net's new eating competition show, “Hurl!”
“Attack” cohost Kevin Pereira's IMDb page claims he's 25, despite his having been a TV host since 1998 (do the math). Munn admits that the hosts were coached for answering questions. Like about Kevin's age, maybe? This doesn't stop her from mentioning taking casting meetings with other networks.
Quote of the day: When asked about the hosts' romantic tension, Munn says (jokingly, we assume), “Well, he already put it in my ass, which is technically not doing it.”
Next up is “The Soup,” Joel McHale's hilarious E! clip show that's transcended its beginnings to become sharp media commentary. McHale seems somewhat contemptuous of the whole event, answering each question with sarcasm and treating the critics like hecklers at a stand-up gig.
Second-best quote of the day: "Ryan [Seacrest] alone is good for 75% of our material. I love that little hobbit." — Joel McHale
7:00 p.m. Fuse event, Stardust room on the roof of the hotel
Cocktails at last. Dinner looks suspiciously like lunch with different sauces on the meat.
Fuse is introducing a full slate of music-themed reality programming featuring mostly unheard of musicians and bands (in addition to concert and festival broadcasts). They're the scrappy lil' music network that could. Swag of the day: USB flash drive shaped like a Gibson Les Paul guitar, courtesy of Fuse.
8:30 p.m.
We're graced with a live performance by British blue-eyed soul singer Natasha Bedingfield. Watching her is a bit like being at a high-end strip club. She's hot and somewhat talented but I know she's not coming home with me or even going to provide good quotes, so it seems a bit futile. I head back to HQ to watch the season premiere of “Mad Men” before tomorrow morning's AMC session.
Tomorrow: the best TV drama since “The Sopranos”; WEtv; MTV Networks; National Geographic; A&E.
