Bizarre celebrity PSAs

(Credit: The Kobal Collection)

For every “This is your brain on drugs” or “I learned it from you, dad” there are at least several dozen other public service announcements that, for one reason or another, just didn’t catch on.

Those reasons include uselessness, the inclusion of has-been celebrities and a serious creep factor, but that doesn’t mean their earnestness should be ignored. He-Man, the Fonz and even Mr. Casper Van Dien all have serious matters they to warn you about. Won’t you heed their call?

Here's a list of some of our favorite PSAs by sorta-famous people protecting children from the dangers of the world.

Don't see the one you love? Leave us a comment and share your favorite old school PSA!

Pee-wee Herman
Forgetting for a moment that the specific acknowledgment of "crack" might lead kids to believe that other drugs are, you know, cool—and the indecent exposure/child pornography charges that shortly followed this PSA's filming—what kind of deeply disturbed child would have ever taken Pee-wee Herman seriously? 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Meta alert: This concoction of kids watching a PSA within a PSA, while being addressed by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles through a TV, is so thoroughly trippy, whoever made it was clearly not following the drug-free message. And Michelangelo totally has the munchies.

Batgirl
Poor Batgirl. What she failed to explain in her feminist PSA for equal pay was that she'd be recast if she ever asked ABC for Adam West's salary. 

He-Man
Could He-Man at least have the decency to put some clothes on when he's warning kids about sex offenders?

G.I. Joe
Few make for better role models than superhuman patriots, so it's a good thing the G.I. Joe gang was around to teach kids in the '80s how to treat nosebleeds–a lesson that certainly came in handy after doing all that cocaine the Joes failed to warn them about. 

Mr. T
Mr. T had the incredible talent of making pretty much anything a catchphrase, as he did somewhat successfully with, "Don't be a fool, stay in school." He also had a talent for intimidating people, like whoever wrote the original script for this PSA before he completely ad-libbed it.

Star Wars
Friends don't let friends take up smoking—even if those friends don't have lungs. In a PSA featuring "Star Wars" bickering robots, R2-D2's new habit threatens to drive a wedge between him and his buddy. Call us skeptical, but C-3PO's motivations seem more superficial than he's letting on. It's like kissing an ashtray—am I right?

Starship Troopers
You know what's cool? Referencing obscure '90s films ten years after they came out with help from their out-of-work cast members. You know what's not cool? Child abusers. And if you are one, Casper Van Dien just might shoot you.

The Fonz
Henry Winkler, god bless him, doesn't even need to be in this PSA for "The Honk." The self-defense tool that never caught on—a strange guttural moan—needs no celebrity endorsement. (Could someone check to see that Christopher Guest didn't write this?)

Eric Carr
It figures that the only member of KISS passionate enough about PSAs would die shortly after filming one. Eric Carr, if you were still here, we'd ask you if your cousin filmed this for you in his basement.

Photo credits: Clockwise from L: Pee Wee Pictures/Binder/Rb prods/The Kobal Collection; 20th Century Fox/Greenway/The Kobal Company; Steve Eichner/PhotoWeb/WireImage.com; Henderson/Miller-Milkis/Paramount/The Kobal Collection; Lucasfilm/FOX /The Kobal Collection