'Burn Notice' review

(Credit: Justin Stephens/USA Network)

The USA network seems to have the market cornered on the quirky detective genre (see: “Monk,” about a detective with obsessive-compulsive disorder, and “Psych,” about a detective parading as a psychic). “Burn Notice” has the same eccentric characters and ridiculous premise, but with a cooler, fake-tanned Miami twist.

Who's that?  The main detective is Michael Westen (Jeffrey Donovan), who your mom might recognize from his roles in “Crossing Jordan” and “The Pretender.” One of his sidekicks is his cunning ex-girlfriend Fiona, played by a heavily tanned and in-need-of-a-cheeseburger Gabrielle Anwar. The once totally awesome Bruce Campbell has been relegated to the role of Sam, the overweight, Hawaiian shirt-wearing sidekick.

Backstory: Michael is an ex-spy given a “burn notice”—spy code for pink slip. He’s dumped back in his hometown of Miami with no funds or explanation and now must find out who blacklisted him. While searching for the woman who burned him, he continues to take smaller cases and help Miami locals to keep his skills sharp.

Buzzed about: Taking the idea of being a blacklisted ex-spy and making it into a light-hearted, snarky show seems in bad taste after cases like the Litvinenko poisoning highlight the reality of the spying biz. At least they’re tackling a timely subject, right?

The "ooh" factor: Lots of explosions, guns, chicks in bikinis and the ultra-toned and tanned Anwar make this show all about eye candy and not about substance.  

The "eh" factor: A whitewashed version of the detective/spy genres, the biggest problem with “Burn Notice” is that its protagonists are too dim-witted to be believable.

The verdict: Fans of watered-down USA detective shows will be glad for “Burn Notice”’s visual charms, but fans of true detective drama will just find their eyes burning.

“Burn Notice” premieres Thursday, July 10 at 10pm/9c on USA.

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