If where you live says something about you, then where you drink speaks just as loudly. Here’s our guide to finding the perfect patio based on your personality.
For the Will and Grace duo: The Abbey? A gay bar? Please. In the last few years the Spanish-style courtyard behind the iron gates has morphed into a gal corral for Graces looking for their Wills. Of course, there’s your quotient of hot, chiseled men, but sometimes the fruitiest thing a girl can snag are the mango martinis.
For the New Yorker: Sandwiched between a motel and a gas station, this smoking patio is reminiscent of New York’s narrow, gritty alleys. The crowd of models, art freaks and scene-makers cements its Big Apple vibe.
For the Francophile: Put on your black beret and you’ll fit right in at Bar Marmont, the trendy bar/resto adjacent to the infamous Chateau Marmont. The best place to make the scene is on the smoking patio in front. Not only does it look Parisian, but the billowing cigarette smoke ensures that it smells like it too.
For the goth: Rubber-clad night owls who cover their faces in baby powder and carry whips around are all about Bar Sinister, Boardner’s Saturday night goth bash. There’s an S&M lounge upstairs, but it’s the spacious courtyard that gets all the action.
For the beach babe: There is no place for the beach babe quite like Paradise Cove, a bar and restaurant that’s literally on the sand. The bar serves myriad colorful tropical drinks, but everyone orders the specialty mojito and suntans on the cushy blue lounge chairs. The best part: It’s only a three-second walk to the ocean.
For the big kid: Built around a giant tree, this WeHo lounge looks like an adult version of a treehouse. It even serves mini hot dogs, hamburgers and sweet-as-candy cocktails to a jeans-clad crowd.
For the cabana boy (and girl): Just about every trendy club in L.A. has cabanas that can be reserved for a hefty price tag. But only one venue is actually called Cabana Club, earning it bonus points in the “obvious” category. Ladies tend not to cover up much at this Hollywood spot—unless you count spray tan.
For the casual drinker: For laid-back types who scoff at the idea of "making the scene," Cat & Fiddle is where it’s at. Yes, it’s located in the heart of Hollywood and it does get packed, but there’s a relaxed vibe on the large, leafy courtyard. If there are no tables available, sit on the side of the fountain—it’s the best seat in the house anyway.
For the "L Word" fan: Designer-chic lesbians (and Paris Hilton) can’t get enough of Falcon’s Sunday night parties hosted in the intimate, starlit patio just off Sunset Boulevard.
For the spring breaker: Ultra-casual gay dudes who like to get sloppy drunk can’t do better than this Cancun-themed gay bar with two patios. There are two-for-one happy hours every day (from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. and 10 p.m. to midnight), which lead to serious make-out sessions, dancing on tables and even some lap dances.
For the "leave me alone, I’m smoking" guy: This no-frills Highland Park bar serves up cheap drinks to a low-key crowd of cool kids with asymmetrical haircuts and dirty vintage T-shirts. The parking-lot-adjacent patio is usually pretty empty, leaving the lone puffer to his thoughts.
For the aspiring loft-dweller: Owning a Downtown loft has become all the rage, but it’s only a reality for moneyed urbanites. While you wait to win the lotto, the Golden Gopher’s brick terrace, lit by a string of glowing bulbs, will make it easy to dream.
For the jet-setter: Finally, a hip place to unwind between flights at LAX. Located in the airport-adjacent Custom Hotel (imagine a bite-sized Standard), the poolside bar features a fire pit, four private cabanas and DJs spinning hyphen-friendly music, from electro-jazz to future-bossa to Afro-Cuban.
For the German transplant: Oktoberfest is a yearlong celebration at this beer garden specializing in bratwurst, lederhosen and cheap drinks. Get your drink on early, as the patio portion closes around 10 p.m. on weekdays and midnight on weekends.
For the all-American (Apparel): You don’t have to be an Am. App. model to hang out at the bar’s summer pool parties, but you certainly have to look like one. Shaggy hair, oversize vintage glasses and short shorts are pretty much the dress code for both sexes.
For the frat brat: If your college days were spent going to frat parties and hooking up with anything in a miniskirt, this hyperbole of a Western bar is perfect for you. Outsiders think the main attraction here is the mechanical bull, but really it’s the large porch on Sunset Boulevard, where boozy girls clutching gigantic mugs of intoxicating concoctions mingle with dudes gunning to end the night with a bang. Beware: Motorcycle cops hang out front, waiting to give out DUIs.
For the mini-mall rat: This all-ages rock club attracts fashion victims, but not the types who spend their days at the Beverly Center. Picture clashing thrift-store finds paired with sunglasses at night and messy hair, and voilà, you have the crowd at Safari Sam’s—many of whom spend the night commingling on the makeshift-style patio in the strip mall parking lot.
For the nervous Nellie: For those on the verge of a nervous breakdown, this is the last-ditch stop before rehab. Just ask Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Jesse Metcalfe, who got wasted on the poolside patio before going completely nuts. It’s ironic, actually, because the lounge is super relaxing with a communal bed, lounge chairs, candle lighting and one of the most stunning views of the city.
For the socialite: Glamour girls who shop on Robertson Boulevard and have unlimited access to Daddy’s AmEx love to unwind with expensive, well-made cocktails at this ’60s-inspired al fresco space surrounded by towering palm trees. Note: Some jackass always ends up in the pool; make sure it’s not you.
For the design freak: Fans of designer Kelly Wearstler can’t get enough of the elegant decor at the Viceroy Hotel, especially during the summer months, when the poolside lounge Whist fills with upscale Westsiders eager for a fancy drink. Get there early in the evening to secure a spot on a white armchair or, if you have the dough to spend, reserve a cushy cabana.
For the agent’s assistant: Just an underground tunnel away from CAA, the Hyatt’s modern lounge attracts agents on a schmooze-and-booze mission. You’ll find their assistants on the lush patio, which is decorated with palm trees, cabanas and a fire pit. The future power-brokers no doubt dream of the days they’ll be rich enough to afford a backyard just as lush.
Alexandra Le Tellier is Bars & Clubs editor for Metromix Los Angeles.
