Here at Metromix, we're well aware of how screwed up your lives are. We have problems ourselves. But drinking jug wine and watching cats on YouTube can only fix things for so long, so when it comes to getting solid solutions to life's nagging difficulties, we take your desperate pleas for advice and pass them on to comedians. We're lazy like that.
This week, we sycophantically begged Mr. Dave Foley of the Kids in the Hall—who are in town for a one-night live show at the
Orpheum—to step in and offer advice to one young lady who wondered how to handle her amorous desires in the early stages of blossoming love.
Take some notes, because you're about to get schooled in the ways of romance.
Q: "Dear Comic: When is giving up the goods on a first date a sign that you're a skank, and when is it just acting on the hope of an immediate and life-lasting love?"
—Not Sure When to Take My Pants Off, HollywoodA: Having sex on a first date is an efficient and effective way of showing that you can be trusted. And trust is, of course, the foundation of any healthy relationship. Please note that this is particularly true if you are on a date with a rock musician. Many a rock musician have been disappointed in love—sometimes more than once in an evening—so establishing trust through first-date sex with them is essential.
With that, you should feel a little more sound in your decision to unbuckle things. Or not. And if you find yourself still wearing clothing Friday, May 9, skedaddle downtown to catch the Kids in the Hall live at the Orpheum. Maybe you should even bring a date, provided that you know how to handle yourself, or them, afterwards.
